Lesson 21: Check In WEEK 3

I notice I am having some resistance to this week. One of the days I really enjoyed the questions. The rest of the week, I've had a bit of an internal eye roll that says something like "I love change. God, leave me alone!" 

Well, it could be this stubborn insistence is part of what keeps me from changing the parts of my life that feel stuck. Let me try these questions in a fresh light...

How do you resist change and how do you embrace it?

When I look back over my life, I definitely have experienced and embraced change. But, there are areas that I stubbornly hold onto. One example is my evening routine, which is not particularly healthy, productive, or positive. It mostly consists of numbing activities. It's like a stake in the ground of my life that I've been thus far unwilling to pull up. Why? Well, it feel nurturing and nourishing on some level. It was my experience as a youth when my family would spend time together, so there are emotional connections to that. I might say, the places I resist change are the places that feel like I get some immediate gratification in the form of nurturing. It's not actually nurturing, though, in the long run. It's more destructive. 

What lies beneath this willingness (and unwillingness)?

I think I answered this above in my rambling to get everything out. But, let me do it again. What lies beneath this willingness and unwillingness is feeling like I can fly, but also feeling grounded. The numbing activities I participate in fain being grounding. Maybe they are actually grounding, but again, not in a long-term-healthy kind of way. 

How can you safely invite more openness to transform into your life?

If I find a way to create this experience consciously and effectively, I could give up some numbing and holding-me-back things.

What did you uncover about your Willingness?

I have uncovered that my willingness has been holding onto a caveat all along. I'll change, but then I'll counter that change with some bullshit.