MyFinancialCourse

Shit. Reading these questions started bringing up some stuff. Do you believe in the beauty of your own dreams? Yes Or are you shy, or perhaps even critical, of your deepest desires? I don't know about shy, but I am critical When dreaming do you feel alive and expansive, or do you sometimes feel a little guilty and inhibited? I feel both. Right now when I think about my dream that I wrote the other day, I feel like I don't deserve it. I haven't earned it. Who the fuck am I to have this above other people? I'm not good enough.  This feels toxic in my body. Like I have pools of oil floating on top of the water in my body. It feels heavy and gross. Sad. 

I keep trying to attend to these questions, but they're big ones. They require some time and focus.  What dreams of yours have come true already? There are many. This is one of the questions holding me back from answering later questions. I feel like I have to sit and think about this. I will say, there are moments, many moments, when I realize that something I desired years ago has come to fruition in my life. One example is that I'm about to go to Spain. I have wanted that since I was 14. A year ago I wanted to change up my life and start doing more things. I have done that. There are really so many things. What dreams are you currently holding dear? What I really want right now is to be independently wealthy. Perhaps through winning the lottery or some such? But independently wealthy so all of my time is spent doing exactly what I want to do.  Have certain unfulfilled dreams caused you frustration or sorrow? Um, maybe at the time, but there has always been a big...

Spend a few minutes today and every day this week enjoying the prospect of Dreaming Big. Allow yourself to have any fantasy about your future financial life that appeals to you, not spending any time strategizing about how you could actually achieve that reality. Instead, allow your imagination to run wild, having a snowball effect on your dreams until they've expanded to a new level of delight. This is challenging for me right now. I believe I have created some barrier for myself around dreaming as it is not natural anymore. It used to be. My financial life: the experience that always comes to me is that it feels easy. My whole life, even now making more than I ever have, I feel a sense of struggle. It's like I create the struggle so that I can overcome it. In my dreams, though, it feels easy. Money is just there. I own a home that I love in a place I love. I am able to spend my days as I choose. There is some "work" but it is minimal and the feeling is ...

I really keep wanting to resist some of these lessons. And I imagine, it is these places of resistance that hold me back from the financial experience that I'm desiring in this life. So, Fuck That.  This week we explored the idea of creating a Safety Net after looking at all the data and consulting with the Guru Within. What was your experience of this exploration? In retrospect it feels uncomfortable. My monthly number feels uncomfortable because I live month to month working to get all these things that I want. Or it feels that way. I have had steady income for some time, but it feels like I may lose it at any time. So I have a lot of fear around this. Was it effortless or a struggle? The process itself was not too much of a struggle. Was it difficult to examine your figures using your conscious mind or was it more of a challenge to connect with your Inner Guidance? Both were okay. They just work differently. My inner guide is sometimes slow. She needs to time to sit ...

Today's lesson: what is my safety nut. The option of having six months of funds set aside was an idea, but really listening to my inner voice. My inner voice says $100,000 set aside in savings and investments.

It isn't hard to add up the two categories of Fluid and Fixed to get what's often called your Monthly Nut, or the amount of money required for you to manage all your expenses. $3540 Once you have that figure, you can spend a moment noticing how it feels. Did you already know this or is it a total shock, even though it's based on your current spending? Is it higher or lower than you might have estimated? Are you sensing you want to make some changes? It feels like I already knew this figure, basically. Like I said, I have an app that records my info for me. It is not a shock at all. Do I want to make some changes? Yes.

Today, I'd like you to start looking over both your list of Fixed and Fluid expenses. You've had a few days to let these categories and figures percolate in the back of your mind. Have things shifted for you? Are you inspired to rethink some of the ways you're spending? What messages are you getting from your Guru Within? Here's what is coming from within: I would like less "have to" money going out, and more liberal money that I can use where I want. When I pay for exercise classes, that feels like liberal money. When I pay for vacation/trips, that feels like liberal money. When I buy excellent food for my fur kiddos, that feels like liberal money. I like the way that feels. I like having the money available to make choices to do excellent things for myself and those closest to me.

Ok, ok. The lessons that I don't want to do are often the ones where I say "I don't need to answer these questions. I already have these answers inside me. No need to go searching." Well, there is always something to learn. And each time I have done the lesson anyway and gotten something from it. This week's lessons are about my inner guidance. How attuned are you to messages coming from your own body? I feel pretty attuned to the messages coming from my body. This does not necessarily mean I always listen to them. Sometimes I silence them because some other part of me wants control. It is usually a brute part of me.  How could you strengthen this kind awareness? I believe I am currently doing that. I spend a lot of time specifically coming back into my body to feel and experience it. 

Ok, let's talk about resistance again. For this week's review I am supposed to write out my monthly amounts for my Luxury items. I started this yesterday and got distracted. I don't want to do it now. I'm feeling anxious in my solar plexus again. Oy.  Before I get to that, let me state a win. Last year I didn't want to do my taxes. I didn't do my taxes. Then, when I wanted to move, my new residence needed my taxes to show my income. I freaked out. I was going to be homeless. Oh my god! Then, I realized, all I needed to do was my taxes. And that would solve the issue of my taxes. So, I did my taxes. And I owed a lot of money (a lot for me). Like $1500. I did not send any money in. I waited for the IRS to send me a letter. Which they did. With all the fees, etc, I owed $2100. Ok.... I told them online I would pay them by this month - January. Then I would only have an additional $40 interest (rather than the hundreds of dollars of interest if I took longer).  ...

Let's be clear- this program offered up two different lists:  Necessities that are somewhat fixed in outgoing expenditure and things I consider necessary. It doesn't mean food/shelter/water, but what I consider to be things I need on a regular basis.  The second list is more Fluid and termed Luxuries. These are not the things I need but desires beyond that. At least, that was my interpretation. The questions being asked about this Luxury list seem to be about LUXURIES. Like spending a few hundred dollars on a Spa Day or brand new cars or shopping til one drops on things that will never be worn and hang in the closet with tags still on. I do believe we all have these tendencies inside us. There are things I have bought and never worn. Mind you, they probably cost me $15. My luxuries, however, seem to have more to do (at least I think) with quality of life and joy than with items. I don't buy shit to impress other people. When I do spend money on most of the things belo...

Presence  No doubt all of us have experienced the state of Witnessing Presence at some point in our lives. When have you experienced this? I experience this frequently. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes incidentally Is it a common occurrence for you or a rare moment? Common How easy is it to step into this state? It's easy to step into when it occurs to me to step into it. Sometimes that's the hard part. What value do you see of being a Witnessing Presence? I think of our brain/mind as an interpreter of our experience. And sometimes the interpretations are bad. It is incredibly valuable to step outside of this interpretation and just notice the interpreter. The Dark Side Are we truly enjoying our Fluid Expenditures… or are they simply mindless purchases we buy out of habit, or worse, to impress others? Depends on the purchase. I don't really fall into the purchasing to impress others thing. But there are times when I just swipe my card away and couldn...

Today, over the course of a few minutes, simply list those kinds of Fluid expenses, the ones that are completely at your discretion, that serve to bring you joy. Travel Dining Out Drinking Out Going Out New clothes New furniture Decorative things Treats for puppy and kitty Movies I will add on to this as I think of things

All that's required is that you add up the total of your Fixed Expenses. Rent -964 Phone -150 Credit Card Payments -229 Car Insurance -110 Internet -70 Pandora -15 Electricity ~125 Car Gas ~80 Health ~420 Groceries ~400 Dog and Cat Food/Care ~350 I just typed the word "total" and my solar plexus got activated. My breathing changed. I'm feeling emotion rising. Teary emotion.  Total - 2913 Once you have your total, Check In with your emotional reactions to it. Hmmmm..... I'm not sure what emotions come up with that. I'm having thoughts more than emotions. Like, how interesting to think about where I've been financially compared to this. I used to have the most bare-bone finances and obligations.  It's cool that I can support this and still have money left for my desires.  There's a lot more that I want for myself.

Back to the list... Take your list and begin writing down the actual numbers by each fixed expense. Rent -964 Phone -150 Credit Card Payments -229 Car Insurance -110 Internet -70 Pandora -15 Electricity ~125 Car Gas ~80 Health ~420 Groceries ~400 Dog and Cat Food/Care ~350 Some of these are fixed amounts. The others I averaged over four months. Definitely some of the categories I don't NEED to spend that amount. Maybe specifically Health. I'm going to look into that one a little more... Between November and December, $287 average was spent on working out; $ 143 average was spent on supplements. These are under the category for Health. Lesson complete for the day. 

Getting some tightness in my gut again. It's like a clenched fist in my solar plexus. Funny how so much of this is stored in my solar plexus. Spend a little more time examining each item, deciding if things are really in the category of Necessity. Make note of those that are not. And remember this is entirely personal. Groceries - Yes Dog and Cat Food/Care - Yes Credit Card Payments - Yes Electricity - Yes Internet - Yes, though sometimes I question this Rent - Yes Phone - Yes Car Gas - Yes Car Insurance - Yes Pandora - (for work) Taxes - I fight this inside myself too, but as things stand now, I need to pay them.  Health - (Supplements and fitness costs) Ok, I added a few things. Necessities can obviously be translated to "those things I need for survival." I am translating it as "those things I need to be happy." Genuinely happy. I left off things like going out, because if I didn't go out for a month I would be okay. But if I didn't ...

I'm starting to feel anxious. I read today's lesson. Like I said, I review my own numbers on a consistent basis. It's a different thing to imagine someone else may be reading them too. Though I don't know who my public is, I know I have a small one. Having some witness to this experience is part of what potentizes it. And makes me feel anxious. Nervous. My hands are getting sweaty. There's some churning (again) in my solar plexus. Ok... " today just list the broad categories that you know you pay consistently each month you consider as Necessities" Groceries Dog and Cat Food Credit Card Payments Electricity Internet Rent Phone Car Gas Car Insurance

" The first step in creating a Safety net is taking an honest look at our expenses and beginning to categorize them." Well, fuck.  The funny thing is, I do track my expenses and categorize them in a fun app I like to use. And I tend to it nearly every day. And I look at my expenses. But being BEHOLDEN to what I'm spending my money on...totally different story.CHANGING what I'm spending money on..FUCK.

"We're going to begin creating and clarifying the concept of a Safety Net, a phrase I vastly prefer to the much more dramatic “Emergency Fund.” What do the concepts of plans changing, God Laughing, and Safety evoke within you?" Well, when I first read "safety net" above, my body felt some panic in the solar plexus region. Like "Oh, my god, I'm going to have something I THINK I can rely on?!" Wow. Relying on things seems to not be a strong suit of mine.  Honestly, every time I imagine winning the lottery, I imagine that's also the day the economy crashes and suddenly my millions are worth zilch. Hmmm Fear of the rug being pulled out from under me. That seems strong in my system. 

This week we began exploring the idea of Balance, particularly as it applied to our financial lives. Did you shift any ideas you had about Balance this week? Did your perspective on anything change? Overall, how balanced is your Money life, and more importantly, how do you feel about that? Once again I get to the lesson review and I don't really remember what I came up with earlier in the week. So, I'm not sure if I shifted any ideas about balance. I don't think so. But reading this last question brings up some anger, so clearly I need to answer it. The thought that originally came with the anger was something like "I don't want to answer this again!" Geez, calm down How balanced is my money life? It's getting more balanced. I've been saying this week that I've been more yang (outward moving money) and almost no yin (stabilizing money). Which has been true. But I did mention in a post recently that, without a whole lot of thought...

These are some hefty questions today: In your financial life, what are areas where you feel you're mostly in a state of Balance and what are areas where you are not? As I mentioned in a response yesterday, I don't really feel in balance in my financial life overall; I'm very much in the yang state without the yin. Also, I feel like if I state that I feel balanced in any particular area, that area will collapse. I feel this in my solar plexus like I'm freefalling. And in the tip of my nose.  I feel balanced that I look at my finances everyday, or nearly everyday. I feel balanced that I have been able to pay my rent without any assistance for years. I feel balanced that when I need help, the universe provides. I feel out of balance because I have not set up anything for myself to rely on. It's from outside myself. Are there times when one aspect of your life gets thrown out of Balance (a break-up, for example) that spills into another area (overspending to ma...

What does Balance feel like in your body? Do you tend to operate on an even keel emotionally and/or physically. . . Or are you prone to a more dramatic, wide-range of experiences? Are there ways you can easily identify when you're in balance and when you're thrown off? Balance is an interesting word for me. I had a teacher who once said, you don't want balance. Balance is static. You want harmonization. I was very attached to that idea for a long time. Now, I feel softer about it, but I still like the idea of harmonization. There will be flux, ebb and flow. Emotionally, I am more even than ever in my life. I know I could still become more even, but I do pretty well right now.  In my body, balance feels like when I have an absence of symptoms.  I'm feeling a little scattered in answering these questions today. I choose to be okay with that.

It's funny the lessons I resist. This one, I read and didn't want to do. My brain says it's because I've answered these questions already in previous lessons (I haven't), or because I think about these things often enough (I don't). I almost skipped this one, but let's see what it has in store for me. Does a minor setback cause you a disproportionate amount of anxiety? It hasn't really seemed to so far. It seems like setbacks are always able to be handled. Anticipating setbacks causes more anxiety than an actual setback.  Does a small windfall set you strongly in the opposite direction of elation? Yes. How comfortable are you with the concept of Ebb & Flow when it comes to the cash in your life? Ebb and Flow is what I'm used to. It's the having stability that I'm not used to, and would like to create.

How balanced do you feel about your financial life today? I was just filling out some info for the IRS, and I realized I have no financial assets.  To me, this means I have a lot of yang, but no yin going on with my finances. Way out of balance. 

Today's lesson was a meditation. Back to that in a moment. At a friend's suggestion a few months ago, I listed to the audiobook Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. You know, the woman who wrote Eat, Pray, Love. Big Magic is a non-fiction book about creativity and the creative process. There is a part of the book where EG is talking (she narrates the audiobook) about fear. She says she has given her fear all the space it needs, but doesn't let it drive the car. In other words, there's no point trying to get rid of the fear; just don't let it be in charge of anything. I love this concept and the imagery that goes with it. This is a belief I've held for a long time - there is room for ALL parts of us. We just have to learn how to be with them in a way that doesn't fuck with our lives and progress too much. We will never get rid of our dark, dank parts. Just give them a little room and let them know they're not in charge. Embrace them. Give them a big ole hu...